She’s been sucking my blood for years:
A man and his wife have to go to a doctor. The doctor asks, “Do you share the same blood group?” The husband replies, “We must by now. She’s been sucking my blood for years.
Wives are saints:
Wives are saints. They forgive you even when you’re not guilty!
Difference between a bachelor and a married man:
What's the difference between a bachelor and a married man? Bachelor comes home, checks out what's in the fridge & goes to bed. Married man comes home, checks out what's on the bed & goes to the fridge.
A real man:
A real man always accompanies his wife to the train station when she leaves. What other way to make sure she’s actually gone?
Beginning of a new argument:
In any argument, a wife has the last word. Anything the husband says after that last word is the beginning of a new argument.
After that we met:
My wife and I had very happy twenty years. After that we met.
Why do they call it the “mother tongue”?
Why do they call it the “mother tongue”? Because the man never gets to put a word in.
How much does it cost to get married? :
A boy asked his father, "Dad, how much does it cost to get married?" Father grimly replied, "I wouldn’t know son, I'm still not done paying for it."
I don’t like you:
She: "Honey, I don't like you with the new glasses on." He: "But sweetheart, I don't wear any glasses." She: "True, but I do."
Telegram to husband – Wife dead:
Telegram to husband: Wife dead. Bury or cremate? Man: Take no chances. Burn, then bury ashes.