Valentine’s Day Special Jokes


I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons :

Girl: “I can’t be your valentine for medical reasons.”
Boy: “Really?”

Girl: “Yeah, you make me sick!”

 

 

What is the difference between a calendar and you?

What is the difference between a calendar and you?

A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day.

 

 

 

What do single people call Valentine’s Day?

What do single people call Valentine’s Day?

Happy Independance Day

 

 

 

Top economist Valentine’s Day cards:

4. You raise my interest rate thirty basis points without a corresponding dropoff in consumer enthusiasm.

3. Let’s raise housing starts together.

2. You stoke the animal spirits of my market.

1. Despite your decade of inflation, I still love you.

 

 

 

What is the true purpose of Valentine’s Day?

What is the true purpose of Valentine’s Day?

To remind single people they are single.

 

 

 

Happy Valentine`s Day!

To all my friends who are commited: Happy Valentine`s Day!. and To all my friends who are single, Happy Independance Day

 

 

Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

Q: Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?
A: She stole his heart.

 

 

 

Before marriage, a man:

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish. Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

 

 

Meaning of Dreams:

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day.
What do you think it means?”
“You shall know tonight”, he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it. She found a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”.

 

 

 

I give you another year to think about it :

A boyfriend asks his girlfriend:
– What gift would you like to receive during the St. Valentine’s Day?
– Well, I don’t know, – she answers shyly.
– OK, that I give you another year to think about it…

 

 

 

Hard grader:

My high-school English teacher was well known for being a fair, but hard, grader. One day I received a B minus on a theme paper. In hopes of bettering my grade and in the spirit of the valentine season, I sent her an extravagant heart-shaped box of chocolates with the pre-printed inscription: “BE MINE.” The following day, I received in return a valentine from the teacher. It read: “Thank you, but it’s still BE MINE-US.”

 

 

 

Two friends talk:

Hi, what are you doing?
Not much, writing a Valentine’s Day greeting card.
Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?
No, I just can’t let my right hand to see it. It’s a surprise for it.

 

 

 

Love is Blind:

Phil was a handsome man who got dressed up in his finest clothes and headed to the pub down the road.
He noticed a woman sitting at the end of the bar who wouldn’t stop staring at him.
Flattery took over and Phil headed over to talk to the lady.
He made his voice deep and sultry and said, “I’ll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, but on one condition.”
The woman had to shake herself out of her trance and then asked, “What is your condition?”
Phil says, “You must tell me your wish in only 3 words.”
The woman paused and then gave Phil a slip of paper with her address scrawled on it.
She then leaned forward with her eyes closed and whispered, “Clean my house.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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